Canadian dating: a crash course

Dating can be confusing for the best of us but for those who are new to Canada, it can be especially intimidating.

On Jan. 24, a newcomer centre in Saskatoon offered an information session on dating culture in Canada. The centre, called the Global Gathering Place, is funded by Citizenship and Immigration Canada and sees more than 1,000 clients a year from all over the world.

The session prompted CBC Saskatchewan to post a poll on its website. It asked viewers to vote on whether this type of program is necessary.

The poll attracted 538 responses and the end result was virtually split. Slightly more than half said the session could help bridge cultural gaps, while almost as many said that newcomers should figure out dating on their own.

An introductory slide outlines the key points from the information session on dating.

Canadian dating culture: Risqué to some, conservative to others

Lilliana Arroyo was one of the session’s participants.

Arroyo, 41, immigrated to Canada seven months ago. She says she noticed a big difference between how men and women interact in Canada and at home in Costa Rica.

“Nobody hugs you or kisses you the first time you meet them,” said Arroyo of Canadian culture. She added that public displays of affection between couples are much less common here than in Costa Rica.

While Arroyo may see Canadians as more inhibited, people from cultures where dating is less common may see Canadian behaviours as more risqué, said Adina Wilson. Wilson led the information session at the Global Gathering Place. For example, she explained, in some cultures, men and women are not supposed to be seen together in public.

Wilson said she and her colleagues decided to offer the session after receiving many questions about dating from clients.

“I think we sometimes think (newcomers) will land in Canada and they’ll just learn these things right away,” said Wilson, “but I think that’s an assumption on our part.”

Romantic culture clash

Statistics Canada has projected that by 2031, nearly half of Canadians older than 15 will be foreign-born or have at least one foreign-born parent. A little more than half of the foreign-born population would be from Asia, the agency estimated.

According to Dr. Faizal Sahukhan, newcomers born in Eastern countries often have the hardest time dating in Canada.

We think (newcomers) will land in Canada, and learn these things right away but I think that’s an assumption on our part.                      - Adina Wilson

Sahukhan is a private counsellor who specializes in multicultural romance. He also lectures on the subject at Capilano University in North Vancouver.

“When parents come here, they expect their children to follow the values that they instilled in them from the old country but …it’s human nature for a person to try to assimilate and integrate into their surroundings," said Sahukhan. "This is what I call romantic culture clash."

Young immigrants from Eastern countries often face a culture clash when dating Westerners, said Sahukhan.

Most commonly, they struggle between the Western, individualistic culture in Canada and the collectivistic values they were raised with, he explained.

In his 2009 book Dating the Ethnic Man, Sahukhan described a specific dilemma that some immigrant men confront upon adulthood. He wrote that often, they face pressure from Western friends and girlfriends to move out of their family home, while at the same time facing their parents’ expectations that they will stay at home and take on more responsibility within the family.

Sahukhan said he thinks more information on dating should be offered to newcomers and their families so that young immigrants won’t feel divided.

The risk of seeming intrusive

There are other newcomer centres offering dating information and counselling in the country but the form of help differs depending on each centre’s clientele, said Beba Svigir, executive director of the Calgary Immigrant Women’s Association.

Svigir said she likes the idea of providing sessions on dating to single adult newcomers but would have to consider it carefully before addressing the topic outside of a one-on-one setting.

“If we adopt that (type of session) as part of our regular curriculum and invite newcomers to attend, it could be perceived … as an intrusion into their values, so one has to be very careful,” said Svigir, referring to the Global Gathering Place’s session.
Dating the Ethnic Man describes the struggles of multicultural relationships and gives strategies for success.

Arroyo said the group setting was actually one of the best parts of the dating information session she attended.

“I think that it’s better to take all kinds of information sessions in groups because when we are in groups, we can learn about the opinions of other people.”

Arroyo, Wilson, Sahukhan and Svigir each insisted that it is not only newcomers who must learn about the dating “do’s” and “dont's” in Canada. Fully-integrated Canadians must also do their part to learn about the different views newcomers hold on the subject, they said.

“Immigrants are the destiny of Canada,” said Svigir, “and Canadians should be responsible to educate themselves about those people that come and live in their midst, from all aspects of life.”

Learning how to love in Canada

Berak Hussain, an international student counsellor at Carleton University, talked to Capital News Online about some of the issues international students face when it comes to dating in Canada.